Seeking Validation From Others

Growing up I've always prided myself on being an overachiever. And when I say overachiever I mean in all aspects of my life. I mean I was in everything! Choir, band, cheerleading, track & field, art expos, going to all types of ROTC camps, survival camps, regular camps, fashion camp, Arena Stage (drama), etc. There was nothing I was not doing. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED every last activity I've ever done and they all were exactly what I wanted to do, but I started to realize something about myself..... if I wasn't constantly validated I felt like I wasn't good enough. If someone had gotten better feedback than me I was angry.

I would get honor roll every single semester, every year, and in every grade. I would bring home my report cards expecting endless appreciation & I don't even know what else. But everyone was so used to me overachieving they would tell me "Risha, you ALWAYS get good grades" as if that still wasn't impressive lol. Then I would hear my mother congratulating my brother or sister for not getting any D's or E's. I was angry. I was constantly sad and angry and I could not understand why. Then one day in high school (yes, sadly it was in high school) I realized that validation was hurting me more than anything else. It's nice to have people recognize your talents and achievements but if you spend your life seeking validation it'll be a sad life you live. Nowadays I enjoy the saying "I'm not about to applaud a fish for swimming." And it's weird because growing up that's all I ever wanted to hear. "I'm proud of you", "keep up the good job", "you're amazing at what you do", etc. Don't get me wrong, my mom was very proud of me. But a celebration after everything you do isn't REAL and isn't benefiting you as much as you think. Adulthood is in fact very real and you never really are prepared for it. No one applauds you for being an adult. It's just what you HAVE to do. Okay you got a car, place, job... so what? I had to learn to move in silence, to make myself happy before going out of my way to make others proud, and celebrate my own milestones. You were born alone and you will die alone. I hear everybody saying "I want to make my mom proud." Well don't we all! But you need to make yourself proud and realize that everything else after that will fall into place. I know this is easier said than done. Ask anyone that knows me, I am extremely hard on myself. Partly because I know that no one is going to push me how I need to be pushed; partly because I know I can be better. I believe it is important to realize that you can be hard on and proud of yourself simultaneously. You can be humble enough to realize that you can be better but understand you are better than yesterday. You can look for a pat on your back after a job well done but if you don't receive it understand that's okay to. "You'll spend your life disappointed if you think everybody has the same heart and mind as you" is a relevant quote I hear all the time and it's the truth. Everyone isn't going to understand your story and recognize your growth. I challenge you to make your opinion of yourself and your actions the most important validation you seek. I challenge you to wholeheartedly understand that you are far better than yesterday. You will get that job, you will find your equal, you will graduate, you will grow, you will beat your current obstacle, and you will seek no one but God's (or whomever you believe in) and your own approval. You are doing great thus far and will do even better tomorrow! "When we consistently suppress and distrust our intuitive knowingness, looking instead for authority, validation, and approval from others, we give our personal power away." ~Shakti Gawain