Realignment

"If you lie to yourself about your own pain, you will be killed by those who will claim you enjoyed it"

-Alice walker

Funny..... I specifically picked this quote for my main page of this blog because it stood out to me for some reason. At the time I didn't know why I just knew it was FACTS. Before I begin this blog I must mention the reason of my 2 month hiatus. Since I was initially able to pick "favorite" things about this world my favorite number has always been 23. I couldn't wait to be 23 omg! I didn't know why (again) but I just knew my 23rd year of life would be detrimental to my growth and it would be lit point blank. To my surprise, this has been one of the hardest years for me thus far lol. Way to blow my high on life! I even found myself today saying "this is the worst year ever." How crazy that something I've imagined being the "greatest year ever" turned to be the opposite.

But is it really the worst year ever? Remember, I had also told myself that this year will also be "detrimental to my growth" and it has in fact. I can honestly say that since November I've been having a hard time with my mental health, my outlook on life is changing, I'm growing, I'm failing and succeeding at the same time and I outright believe a breakthrough is on it's way! I'm learning so much about myself and the way I operate. Often times we forget we learn the most about life in our stages of grief, disappointment, and sadness. We are here for a SEASON and in order for a breakthrough to come we must steadily push through opposition.

"Life is a conundrum of esoterica"

-A repeated quote in the Netflix series "A Series of Unfortunate Events"

I am currently binge watching this show! As I say above, they repeat this quote often times in the series. Conundrum means mystery or riddle; Esoterica means specialized knowledge. I went deeper (because I am a person who loves quotes) and found this explanation by Jamie:

"This quote is a reminder that learning is an essential practice throughout life, never ending, because any subject you begin to understand is a piece of the universal puzzle. However seemingly small, unrelated, or unimportant. Life is a series of misfortune and mystery that serves as a catalyst for growth. What you know determines every experience you'll have in life."

Idk about you but I felt that on a spiritual level! I wanted to blog but I kept telling myself "how can you speak positively to my readers and I'm not in that mindset at all?" Because as you all know this is a blog based on affirmations and positivity. Then someone close to me told me that these are the times where God allows us to use our testimony to help others. By now you ALL should know I am your vessel of truth. So here's some things I'm relearning:

1. Please, don't be afraid to ask for help! Trying to do everything yourself will only wear you down and make the burdens of your world feel heavier than they actually are. Yes life is horrible, but it is equally as rewarding if you believe it to be.

2. Vent! Even if the person you're talking to doesn't utter a word back to you, it'll help. I thought keeping everything to myself was better because I didn't want to look needy or whatever but it's not. Talk to somebody, shit talk to me if you need to.

3. Put aside time for mental health awareness. Also, remember crying is important. It is our bodies natural coping mechanism. For the longest time I saw it as weakness. Boy was I wrong lol.

4. Realign yourself when necessary (a.k.a keep yourself up on your shit but if you fail that's okay. Get back up! Keep moving forward.)

5. Talk nice to yourself as much as possible. I am my biggest critic and I literally think myself in a bad mood sometimes. That is so deadly folks pleaseeeee don't do it. I thank God for my sanity & willfulness to live. Not a lot of people can think really bad thoughts for a long time and walk out with enthusiasm for life.

“It’s your reaction to adversity, not adversity itself that determines how your life’s story will develop.”

-Dieter F. Uchtdorf